Do my child and I have a healthy attachment?
Attachment is a psychological connectedness that occurs between people and other mammals. This bond starts between caregiver and child, and forms the basis for future relationships. Attachment behaviours can often be observed when the child experiences new situations, uncertainty, sickness, pain or fear. The child uses their attachment figure as a safe base from which to explore and learn.
Broadly speaking, there are two types of attachment:
- Secure attachment is formed by the caregiver providing a stable relationship in which the child is confident that they will have have their needs met and be responded to appropriately.
- Insecure attachment occurs when the child’s needs are inconsistently met the majority of the time. The child feels uncertain about whether or not they will be cared for or whether the care is likely to continue.
It has been found that those children who develop secure attachment are more likely to grow into caring, thoughtful, reflective, emotionally and socially intelligent, resilient individuals. Sound appealing?
Something important to note:
“Modeling perfection and the pursuit of if it does not promote healthy development. Pressuring ourselves to always ‘get it right’ or to guarantee that our children never experiences the pain we may have experienced growing up creates an anxiety that our little ones can’t help recognising. Working too hard actually compromises our children’s need to trust in our faith in relationship, an essential foundation of security throughout their lives.” Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper and Bert Powell
Why behaviour management isn’t always enough
These days we often lead such busy lives and have so much on our plate, and trying to ensure the healthy development of our children is overwhelming enough. Hence, many caregivers rely on behaviour management to corral children into feeling/doing/being their best. However, attachment researchers believe that targeting behaviour is like treating the symptoms yet ignoring the cause of an illness.
When faced with a child who is acting out or acting distressed, it helps to think about what’s hidden in plain sight. For example, is the 3-year-old boy frustrated by feeling like he can’t make us understand his need for comfort? Is the 4-year-old girl “so emotional” because she hasn’t learned to regulate her emotions with an adult’s kind understanding and confident boundary setting? Attachment researchers have discovered that attachment can tip the balance in a child’s stress level, ability to manage emotional experience, capacity for learning, physical vitality and social ease.
Understanding Attachment Disorders
While many children develop secure, stable bonds with their caregivers, some experience early disruptions or inconsistent care that can lead to more pronounced attachment issues. Attachment disorders sit at the more severe end of this spectrum. They are not simply “bad behaviour” or temporary phases – they reflect deeper difficulties in a child’s ability to trust, connect and feel safe in relationships.
Attachment disorders can emerge when a child has experienced significant early stress, neglect, repeated changes in caregivers, or environments where their emotional or physical needs weren’t reliably met. These early experiences shape how a child learns to relate to adults and peers, and can influence how they manage emotions, cope with new situations and ask for help.
Here are Some Common Signs of Attachment Issues
Children experiencing attachment issues may show a mix of emotional, social and behavioural signs. Not every child will present in the same way, but caregivers often report some of the following:
- Difficulty seeking comfort when upset, or rejecting help even when distressed
- Limited eye contact or avoiding closeness
- Excessive clinginess or strong fear of separation
- Challenges regulating emotions, leading to outbursts or withdrawal
- Appearing unusually independent for their age
- Struggling to form friendships or connect with familiar adults
- Heightened anxiety, especially in unfamiliar environments
These signs don’t always point to an attachment disorder on their own, but when they persist or affect day-to-day life, it may be worth seeking guidance from a trained clinician.
Here’s How Attachment Disorders are Treated
Treatment focuses on strengthening the relationship between the child and their caregiver. The goal is never to blame the parent; rather, therapy provides a supportive space to understand what’s driving the child’s behaviour and to rebuild the sense of safety and connection they may have missed early on.
At Life & Mind Psychology, we draw on evidence-based approaches that help both the child and caregiver feel more grounded, understood and confident. Treatment may include:
- Helping caregivers tune into the child’s emotional cues and respond in a way that feels consistent and predictable
- Supporting the child to recognise and manage their feelings safely
- Strengthening routines and relational rhythms that promote trust
- Providing structured guidance for caregivers to repair ruptures and reconnect after difficult moments
- Offering a space where both child and parent feel accepted rather than judged
Over time, many children show remarkable improvement in emotional regulation, relationship-building, and their overall sense of security.
If any of the signs of attachment issues sound familiar, you’re not alone… and support is available. Our team can help you understand what’s going on beneath the surface and work with you towards a calmer, more connected home environment. Feel free to reach out to us on 9525 8443 to learn more or to book an appointment.