Is your child self-critical or hard on themselves?
Do they feel insecure or as though they do not compare to other kids?
Do they doubt their ability to succeed or do well at things?
If so, your child may be suffering from low self-esteem. Self-esteem, or feeling good about ourselves, is important as it encourages children to try new challenges, cope with mistakes, and solve problems. A child with a positive sense of self will feel loved, competent, and as though they can succeed at things they put their mind to.
Some things you can do to foster your child’s self-esteem include:
- Recognising your child’s successes and achievements, regardless of how small
- Genuinely praising your child’s effort, rather than the result
- Helping your child learn new things and achieve goals that are within reach, so that they get a sense of effectiveness and fulfilment
- When they make mistakes or is disappointed, communicate that failing is part of learning and that no one is perfect
- Refrain from comparing your child to other children, including siblings, as each child has their own strengths and weakness
- When you fail or make mistakes, model kind self-talk. Children learn by observing their parents
- Tell your child that you love them unconditionally and that they are valued. Spend one-on-one time with your child and listen attentively to build your relationship
- If you are concerned that your child is suffering from low self-esteem, seeking professional help is important to set them up for success later in life.
Our skilled Psychologists are trained in providing evidence-based treatment and are waiting to help your child unlock their true potential. Contact Life & Mind Psychology on (02) 8559 0704 to discuss your child’s situation today.
Here are Some of the Most Common Questions We Get Asked About Self Esteem Issues in Children
What are the signs of low self esteem in children?
Low self esteem can look different depending on your child’s age and personality. Some children become withdrawn or overly self-critical, while others may avoid new activities because they’re worried about “getting it wrong”. You might notice your child:
- Frequently saying negative things about themselves
- Becoming very upset by small mistakes
- Comparing themselves unfavourably to peers
- Avoiding challenges or giving up quickly
- Seeking constant reassurance
It’s important to remember that occasional self-doubt is part of growing up. Ongoing patterns of self-criticism or avoidance, however, may suggest your child needs additional support.
How can you build self esteem in children at home?
Parents often ask us how to build self esteem in children in a way that genuinely lasts. The most effective approach isn’t about constant praise; it’s about helping your child develop a stable sense of competence and worth. You can support building self esteem in children by:
- Praising effort rather than outcome
- Encouraging problem-solving rather than immediately stepping in
- Normalising mistakes as part of learning
- Modelling healthy self-talk
- Creating opportunities for achievable independence
When children experience small successes (and learn they can cope with setbacks), their confidence grows naturally over time.
What causes low self esteem in children?
There isn’t one single cause – self esteem develops through a combination of temperament, family relationships, school experiences and social interactions. Some contributing factors can include:
- Repeated academic or social difficulties
- Bullying or peer rejection
- High levels of self-criticism
- Family stress or major life changes
- Perfectionism or fear of failure
Understanding the underlying factors is often the first step in effectively building self esteem in children.
At what age does self esteem start to develop?
Self esteem begins forming very early in life. Even toddlers develop a sense of capability and self-worth through everyday interactions; particularly through how caregivers respond to their efforts, emotions and achievements. As children move into primary school, peer relationships and academic experiences begin to play a stronger role (this is often when parents start noticing changes in confidence levels). The good news is that self esteem remains flexible – with the right support, it can be strengthened at any stage of childhood.
When should I seek professional help for my child’s self esteem?
Consider reaching out for support if your child’s self-doubt seems persistent, intense, or is interfering with their daily life. Signs might include ongoing anxiety about performance, frequent negative self-talk, emotional outbursts linked to perceived failure, or refusal to participate in activities they once enjoyed. Early support can make a significant difference. If you’re unsure, we’re always happy to have a conversation and help you determine the best next steps for your child.