Life & Mind Psychology treat children with separation anxiety from our practice in Sydney (Sutherland Shire).
Does your child refuse to let you go out of the house without them? Do they wake up every morning before school complaining that they are physically unwell (when you suspect they just want to stay with you all day instead)? Does your child follow you around the house so much it seems that you can’t even go to the bathroom alone?
If any of these sound familiar, don’t despair. You are not alone, and we may understand the problem.
Separation anxiety can be a normal part of your child’s development. Such fears are often outgrown between 5 and 6 years of age. However, sometimes this anxiety continues into the later years. It may develop into unrealistic fear of harm to loved ones, and/or heightened distress over day-to-day separation.
So how would you know if your child’s anxiety is ‘normal’? Common signs of children who may experience separation anxiety are:
- Extreme, unreasonable distress over separation from loved ones;
- Unrealistic worry about harm to self or loved ones;
- Reluctance to leave home, attend school, or go on outings;
- Frequent seeking of reassurance regarding safety of self or loved ones;
- Crying, ‘clingy’ behavior, or tantrums in anticipation of separation;
- Reluctance to be alone, especially at night; and/or
- Frequent nightmares about harm and danger.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to help your child overcome separation anxiety. For example, you can:
- Acknowledge your child’s anxiety by saying something like “I can see that you’re upset/worried about…”
- Remain calm during common separations such as when dropping your child off at school;
- Make goodbyes short and sweet, for example “Goodbye darling, have a great day at school and I’ll see you this afternoon”;
- Limit reassurance to one or two times;
- Allow child to take loved objects for comfort for example their favourite toy; and
- Be as consistent as possible with separation routines.
Imagine how much easier life would be if your child no longer had separation anxiety!
Our trained Clinical Psychologists would love to work with you and your child to help conquer their anxiety. If this resonates with you don’t hesitate to contact us.
Here are Some of the Most Common Questions We Get Asked About Children’s Separation Anxiety
When is separation anxiety considered “normal”?
Some degree of separation anxiety in children is a natural part of development. Many babies and toddlers show distress when a parent leaves the room, and preschool-aged children may become upset at daycare or school drop-off. In most cases, this settles as children develop a stronger sense of safety, predictability and confidence in the world around them. What we look for is whether the anxiety is age-appropriate, short-lived and gradually improving over time. It may be helpful to seek support when the distress feels intense, ongoing, or significantly interferes with school attendance, friendships, sleep or family life.
What causes separation anxiety in children?
There isn’t usually one single cause – separation anxiety can develop from a combination of temperament, life experiences and environmental factors. Some children are naturally more sensitive or cautious. Others may experience separation anxiety following a stressful event like a move, illness, family change, or transition to a new school. Sometimes it can build gradually without a clear trigger. Importantly though, separation anxiety in children is not caused by “bad parenting”; in fact, it often occurs in families who are warm, connected and attentive. Understanding the underlying drivers can help guide supportive, practical strategies.
How long does separation anxiety typically last?
For many children, separation worries ease within weeks once consistent routines and supportive responses are in place. That being said, if the anxiety has been present for several months, appears to be worsening, or is leading to regular school refusal, it may require more structured support. Early intervention can make a meaningful difference – the longer avoidance patterns continue, the harder they can be to shift (but change is always possible).
What is the difference between separation anxiety and Separation Anxiety Disorder?
While separation anxiety in children can be developmentally typical, Separation Anxiety Disorder is a diagnosable anxiety condition. The difference lies in severity, duration and impact. When fear of separation is excessive for a child’s age, persists for at least four weeks, and significantly disrupts daily functioning, a clinical assessment may be appropriate. A psychologist can help determine whether a child’s experience falls within expected developmental stages or whether targeted therapeutic support would be beneficial.
Can separation anxiety affect older children?
Yes. Although separation anxiety is often associated with younger children, it can also appear in older primary-school children and adolescents. In older children, it may show up as school refusal, physical complaints (such as headaches or stomach aches), persistent reassurance-seeking, or strong worries about a parent’s safety. When separation anxiety continues beyond the early childhood years, it’s especially important to understand what is maintaining the cycle and to support the child in gradually building independence and coping skills.
How can parents respond in the moment?
Parents often ask whether they should comfort more, or less. The answer is usually somewhere in between – children benefit from calm, confident reassurance that acknowledges their feelings without reinforcing avoidance. Brief, predictable goodbyes, consistent routines and clear expectations can help build trust in the separation process. What matters most is the tone: steady, warm and confident… children tend to borrow our emotional cues.
When should we seek professional support?
Consider reaching out if:
- Your child refuses school or activities regularly
- Anxiety causes frequent physical symptoms
- Reassurance does not reduce distress
- Family routines are significantly impacted
- The anxiety has persisted for several months
Support for separation anxiety in children may involve helping the child build coping skills, supporting parents with practical strategies, and gradually reducing avoidance in a structured way. At Life & Mind Psychology, we work collaboratively with families to understand the full picture — not just the behaviour, but the emotions and patterns underneath it.